Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
why is half of my head shaved?
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