can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
