i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
