you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize