i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
