she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
