I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
