Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
