um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
