see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
