he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
they're like a gay fantastic four
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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