i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
