Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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