Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is it penis luge time yet?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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