Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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