I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize