Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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