I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
