My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
