i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize