all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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