you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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