sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
