you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
