I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm like, not good at living.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
