i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
