why didn't you poke me back
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
