when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
