I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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