I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
