This girl is more easily done than said...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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