My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
