that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
third nipple confirmed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
