That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
