Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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