My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
