I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
