your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
