i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
