you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
