The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
