are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
