My first STD was from a foam party
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
