He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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