We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
