you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
