did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
