now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
