people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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