We're facebook friends in real life
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
