im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
