Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
