woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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