You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
