She's JV to your varsity
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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