I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
