dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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