can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
