Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
