I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
