they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
