Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
