im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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