You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You took a bar mat shot.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
