I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
