my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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