and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The power of my boobs compel you
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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